Prologue, Forward...not sure what to call this.
In the Earth year 2025, various lifeforms from other planets discovered the planet Earth. Flocks of beings emigrated to Earth to meet the newest members of the Universal Alliance. The planet could not take the overpopulation and was finally declared junked in 2050. The people of Earth took to the stars, most going to the Central Stations where the Singularity Council was located. These people were given very luxurious homes as was custom when relocating inhabitants of a junked planet. However there were the few who simply went their own way, scavenging the junked planet of Earth and somehow surviving....and breeding. These people would eventually be known as Morons. Over the decades, these scavengers would breed and die, never making it past the age of 20. Without anyone to educate them, the children of these scavengers would educate themselves on two-dimensional recordings passed down from the first scavengers. In what would be Earth year 2120 the Morons would be very nearly wiped extinct when beings called Grubkind's claiming to be from the Central Stations take their two-dimensional recordings forcefully. This is the year that Corbin Jessica Stalker became the first Moron to make it past the age of 20. He does so by stowing away on the Grubkind ship and getting away from a part of space where the planets have been junked for at least a century. He eats fresh food for the first time and acquires a taste for it. On the ship he learns of the real identity of the 2-dimensional recordings. He manages to recover only the one from which his name came from.
1
Shit Happens
Corbin gasped for air as the wall immediately to his left disintegrated in a high pitched squeal. He ran forward towards the open doors of his ship as the ground where he just stood disintegrated behind him. His mouth opened as he searched for the proper vernacular to describe his current situation.
"shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit" he yelled as he sprinted across the now disappearing starport. Being witty under pressure was never his strong suit; it was his parents' fault, they were Morons. But what would you expect from two people who named their child Corbin after who they called, "Space's Greatest Hero". They had learned the name from what they believed to be a recording of the historical exploits of a man named Corbin Dallas. After all, where else but in the past would you see a Hover car? A vehicle that was limited to a within a planet's atmosphere. He found the concept laughable. A shot of crimson heat squealed passed his ear and brought him back to the present. He stumbled into the open doors and slammed his fist into the hatch override button next to the door. "For ptakt's sake, start the ptaktin' engines up, Flea!" He didn't have a chance to ask again. The engines sparked to life and Corbin went flying into the wall behind him as the ship sped away from the now corroding spaceport.
"Do you think he managed to get it?"
"Of course he did, he's our Cap'n"
"But he's also a ptaktin' idiot"
"Don't talk about the Cap'n like that. He saved you, or don't you remember?"
Corbin woke up to identify the two who were disrupting a rather pleasant dream he was having. Before him stood the towering figure of Flea. Standing at 9 feet tall and 3 feet wide, the Hypocramp was an imposing figure, but he was as gentle as he was big. Corbin looked up at Flea's face and couldn't help but laugh. Flea's hippo-like ears flapped rapidly as he asked, "What's so funny Cap'n?"
"I don't think i'll ever get used to that face of yours Flea" Corbin said as he chuckled. Flea had a face like something out of one of those ancient National Geographic tomes that Corbin had seen during his time in the Central Stations. It was called a hypothalamus or something. Hypotenuse? However, it was his black and white spots and human like frame that set him apart from the hiphopanonymous's of ancient times. "Anyway why are you two in my room?"
"We're not in your room Cap'n, we're next to the starboard hatch. You got thrown when we took off".
"I didn't get thrown, I tripped"
"Meela said.."
"Don't listen to Meela. Where is she, anyway?"
"I'm right here" said a voice from behind Flea. Meela squeezed her way past the Hypocramp and stood in front of Corbin. The human woman pulled her rust colored hair into a ponytail. She leaned in closely and eyed Corbin up and down. She leaned back and took out her stylus; and began puffing on it after putting it into vapor mode.
"Did you get it?"
Corbin smiled.
"Of course I got it. I wouldn't have let that Spaceport fall apart if I didn't have it."
"You weren't supposed to have had anything happen at all. You were supposed to meet with the seller and simply trade for the ptaktin' thing."
"I didn't like his asking price"
"Things like this are why people think we're pirates."
"Fine. Then we'll be pirates. I don't care."
"So where is it? Show it to me."
Corbin pulled a disc the size of a small plate out of his inner coat pocket.
"Whoa what is that thing? Is it a disc? Why is it so huge?" Flea asked as he stared in amazement.
"This is the thing that you destroyed a Spaceport for?" Meela sneered.
"Yes."
"What is it?" she asked.
"It's called a Blue Ray"
"Is that supposed to impress me?"
"Why don't you check on the salesnet real quick for how much this particular baby goes for? It's called 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull'."
Meela took her stylus out of her mouth and held the top of it to put it back into command mode. She started walking towards the bridge. Flea and Corbin followed.
"So what did the guy ask for anyway?" Meela asked.
"Something precious, too precious. The Fifth Element." Corbin held his hand to his chest where the disc hung from his neck.
"Boron? That's not precious, you can get that anywhere."
"That's not what I meant"
They had reached the bridge.
"What did you say it was called again?"
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
"Boy that's a mouthful"
Meela waved her stylus around and the monitors jumped to life with numbers and symbols flashing across the screen. The monitors all slowly started settling upon the same screen with the same number on it. Meela's stylus dropped from her hand. Flea's ears flapped in joy as they all saw the number that was on all the monitors.
"Oh my god" Meela said, "We're ptatkin' rich!"
Corbin couldn't help but let out a guffaw.
The number of zeroes on the screen was more than he could count on his fingers and toes.
Corbin turned around to face the both of them with a very smug look on his face. Flea was distracted by something on his piloting consoles.
"I told you guys it'd be worth it-" he said proudly.
"Cap'n!"
"-I mean if you guys would JUST trust me once in a while, you'd know that everything always goes my way."
"Cap'n!"
"No matter what I do..."
"CAP'N!!!"
"What, Flea?! What is it that is so important!?"
"The guys from the spaceport, they're here."
"What do you mean here?"
"Look!" Flea swiveled around one of his monitors so Corbin could see it. "That's us, there-" he pointed to a circle in the center of the screen, "and the grey rectangles are..."
"There's only like 3 rectangles! No sweat!"
"You didn't let me finish Cap'n, the rectangles are squadrons. Squadrons containing about 10 ships each."
"Ptakt"
"yeah"
Meela could not stay silent anymore.
"Alright, before we get blown to smithereens, i'd like to know exactly what happened down there Corbin."
"Captain. Call me captain."
Meela sighed, "What happened down there.....captain?"
"That's better" Corbin chimed. He walked over to the ship's viewing panel and looked out at the stars and approaching squadrons. He clasped his hands behind his back in a most definitely cliche way.
"Well as you know, we were contacted anonymously roughly about 48 hours ago regarding a-" he made air quotes with his hands, "-'very very quite valuable item' on the Centauri Starport and as such, I thought this situation needed further investigation."
"Yes, yes we know all this. We were there!" Meela grumbled.
Corbin ignored the obvious discontent in her voice and continued, "So we set out to the Starport with haste..."
"Will you just get to the part where you got off the ship?!"
"...but not TOO much haste..."
"..I ptatkin' hate you"
"...when we arrived, I was surprised to see that it looked relatively normal."
At that moment a holographic figure displayed itself in the middle of the room. At a quick glance it would appear to be six foot tall robed figure. Upon further inspection however, one would see that it was in fact a two foot tall green being hovering four feet above the ground. These beings were called Grubkind.
"That was the way it was designed to look Mor-spawn" the Grubkind continued, "you have something that belongs to us, or rather two things. Very Valuable thingsss"
Corbin shivered as he heard the lisp. When a Grubkind hissed, it was because it could not contain it's sense of greed.
"Yeah well you shouldn't have set a trap with actual treasure on the line. C'mon, that's like trap protocol" Corbin retorted.
"You are sssurrounded, there iss no where for you to run this time Mor-spawn. We have finally caught you. You will pay for your thievery."
With a flash of bright white, Corbin and the Grubkind disappeared.
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