Forks and Spoons: Chapter Seven.

I sat in the car while Kim drove and SK danced in the passenger seat. Some techno song was blaring out of the stereo, and i'll admit it was really catchy. We drove for probably about thirty minutes and arrived at a concert hall. I got out of the car and looked around. All of the buildings looked minuscule in comparison to the Concert Hall. A woman came out, she was librarian sexy. For those at home that don't know what that means, it's when someone looks sexy in a nerdy way. She had her hair up in a bun and a pair of glasses on and she was dressed very professionally. She was holding a clipboard up to her breast with her left arm. She spoke, "Kim, SK, what a pleasant surprise" she said in a cool english accent. "Kim I just got your message and he'll have to go through an interview process first. Is this the man?"
"Yup" Kim said.
"Ok, follow me Mr......"
"Aldrin"
"Mr. Aldrin. I like that. It sounds....homey."
I looked back and saw that Kim and SK weren't following me.
"Good luck!" SK yelled. He had a sad look on his face like he was never going to see me again. As soon as we got inside the woman turned around.
"Now this interview isn't going to be like other interviews."
"It isn't?"
"No, it isn't." She beckoned to a hallway on her left. "Go down this hallway and at the fourth door on your right is a custodial closet. You are to go and retrieve a mop and then clean out the Men's and Women's restrooms. Is that clear?"
"Does that mean I have the job?"
"I said, is that clear?"
"Erm...yes."
"Good. Then i shall check on you in thirty minutes. I have some business to attend to."
I walked to the custodial closet and retrieved a mop and other cleaning supplies and first went into the Men's room. It was the cleanest Men's room i'd ever seen. Men are nasty creatures that generally miss the urinal when urinating or fail to flush the toilet. Well, most restrooms are like that anyway. But this one wasn't. It looked as if it had never been used. I noticed the door on of the stalls was slightly crooked and upon examining it noticed that the hinge was loose. I retrieved a screwdriver from the Custodial closet and fixed the stall door. I then proceeded to polish the urinals and toilets since there wasn't much else to do. I then strode over to the Women's restroom. I opened the door and upon seeing inside my jaw dropped. Immediately upon coming into the door was a waiting room like area. There were couches and magazines as well as a couple of plants and then an open hallway seperating this room from the sinks. I just stood there for a moment. Were all Women's restrooms like this glorious room that stood before me? Just then the woman walked up behind me. "You don't need to clean this one after all. It's fine the way it is" she said as she pinched my butt. She then grabbed my hand and started walking to guide me somewhere. We walked into the actually hall part of the Concert Hall where the performances were held. She had me follow her up to the stage and then she sat down on the piano bench right in the middle of the stage. She turned to me and whispered in my ear, "Fuck me right here, right now." I nearly had a stroke because I was so surprised. I just stood there though. I didn't have the necessary....libido to do the task right now. I knew i wouldn't be able to get it up while there on that stage. I took a step back and said, "I can't. Not here." She smiled.
"Good, you passed Eric."
"Um...passed?"
"You're a realist. You know what's real and what's fake. There's no way some woman you just met would have you screw her in one of the kinkiest places possible in a Concert Hall that she owns."
"....Yeah..."
"Anyway, you will call me Amanda. Come in for work on Monday."
"Ok. Thank you."
"Oh, and Eric?"
"Yes, Amanda?"
"Clean the stage before you leave" And then she left. I stood there bewildered for a moment. That woman had to be the strangest woman i'd ever met. I cleaned the stage and then went back outside. Kim and SK were still standing there. SK asked, "Well, what happened?"
"I got the job" I said. Kim just looked amused. SK looked at Kim then looked at me. "What did she have you do? Kim will never tell me how she interviews people."
"Believe me SK, you wouldn't believe me if i told you."
"Fine! I don't wanna know anyway!" SK shouted as he got in the car and then closed the door. Kim turned to me and smiled. "Eric" he said as I was getting in the car.
"Yeah, Kim?"
"You would've still got the job if you'd done it" he said as he started laughing. Then he closed the door. Well, shit.

It's weird.

I just finished watching Adventureland, and it's left me in somewhat of a depressed mood. Along with not leaving the house today, the two make a lethal combination. Adventureland had Ryan Reynolds in it and his character was.....a poser, I guess that's the best word for it. But this movie has left me in a mood. Right now I have no job, but want to have one. I almost got a job but couldn't because of my eyes. The day i was going to apply was the day i got that infection. Right now it feels like the world is against me. I want a job but at the same time don't know what will happen if i get a job. Will I become a mindless drone catering to the rise and fall of the business cycle of corporate America? Will i just go through the cycle of just working and never getting anywhere? The present always keeps me in a state of confusion i think. And the future is something to hope and want and keep as a goal. My future is uncertain at this point. I'm stuck at a crossroads. I don't know what exactly to do. And i can't help feeling as if I wouldn't feel as bad if i just had someone to hold close and talk to. Someone who i could talk to on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. But i would love it for just one person to make me look forward to it. I miss being in a relationship. I've always been told i'm a good boyfriend. But, no one ever wants to date me. Women are strange creatures. I don't think anyone will ever understand them. I know i won't. Well, i suppose that's the end of my rant.

On the subject of 11 years.

Upon writing it last night i realized that it is really really stupid. I wanted one thing and ended up creating another. So that said, i'm going to scrap it.

If you want to know what the ending was, it's that he's insane. It's all in his head. Father, Nathan, The Werewolf, The Archangel, Cool Devil, all of them are in his head. He is them. The only other real person in the story that he's had interaction with was the guy who was going to kill him and Madison who had no idea that he was insane. But she had known him before he disappeared for 11 years.

So that's it. Everything else i will continue to write.

Where the Sun Don't Shine: Chapter Three.

This morning, and by morning i mean before dawn, I awoke and sensed a strange presence. Upon going outside of my room, i saw lights shining through the curtains from what looked like that girl's room. But as I peered through the window I saw nothing but the streetlights. Strange. Perhaps i'd make an actual appearance today to tell her about it, and maybe correct her mispronunciation of my name. I waited until after she had cleaned her fang...err teeth. I can't stand the stench of morning human breath. I made a casual appearance as to look as if i had just bumped into her. I smelled her to make sure she didn't need to be deep cleaned. She actually smelled fairly decent. I was pleased. I sat down on the couch, it was rather soft and strange. I constantly felt like i was sinking into it. Whatever happened to wooden benches? Simple, and straight to the point. I started to talk to her. "I wanted to see if we could converse about an unusual occurance i saw this morning." She sighed and was staring into my eyes. It was a bit creepy. And that is coming from a vampire. I noticed she wasn't moving. I waved my hand in front of her face. "Hello? Young lady? Will you snap out of it?" She was still staring at me as if i was the most beautiful thing on the world. I mean, i'm flattered but....not interested.She was sitting there breathing heavily as she started to come to. As she did this I noticed that the smell of her blood was decadent with flavors pleasing to my nasal cavities. It was the equivalent of smelling pork...or bacon for a human. She must have noticed the way I was looking at her for she said, "Are you a vampire?"
I chuckled, "Yes."
"Do you sparkle in the sunlight?" I rolled my eyes in disgust. What creature was this that was tainting the noble name of Vampire, or Vampyre as they first called us.
"Is that a no?"
"Listen, there were some lights outside of your room during the early part of the morning."
"I don't know what you're talking about but it kind of reminds me of my dream: I was lying a a cold metal bed, I could feel a thin blanket covering me. It felt like it was made of the same stuff that shower curtains are made out of. Like vinyl or plastic or something. IDK."
"IDK?"
"It means I don't know. Duh, Bido!"
"My name is.."
"But anyway, I'm lying there and these bright lights are facing down at me. Like I'm on an operation table, and the faces that're looking down at me are really long. Like a really long triangle, with two big black, shinny eyes staring down at me. There were three of them, two on my right and one on my left.
I heard beeping" I stopped listening and wondered if i should go to sleep. I didn't know how to make this human stop talking. I had just wanted to warn her.
"...I could feel them tapping with pointed hooks against my gums, but it didn't really hurt. I know it was only a dream; but ever since I watched "Darkness Falls" with Jonathan a few years ago on Halloween, I've always been afraid if The Tooth Fairy. I think this might be a way of my brain telling me I'm crazy, or that I should confront my fear of The Tooth Fairy."
"Well um, i suppose that explains the smell.." She seemed to perk up and she pressed her bags of fat together and whispered, "I'm bleeding down there.."
I threw up a little bit in my mouth. That has never happened to me in my many years on this planet. Ironic, that when i throw up blood it just means I need to wipe it and keep living. But when a human throws up blood, it means they are soon to die.

11 Years: Chapter Eight.

Chapter Eight: The phone rings.

The Delivery Man laid there with Madison just running his fingers lightly along her skin with care. She was telling him about how much she loved his car and if she could maybe drive it later. But he had other things on his mind. What was his next job going to be? Just as he was guessing, he heard a screech and then the harsh sound of metal wrapping itself around a metal lightpost. He got up and looked out the window. A man was standing there with blood dripping down his face. "Come out Louis, i know it's you" he said as he smiled. "Who are you?" The Deliver Man replied.
"You never met me but my name is Nathan. Nathan Reynolds. You ruined my life. But now you're going to fix it. Nathan jumped up the fire escape and started climbing up towards the window. The Delivery Man backed away from the window and closed it. He turned to Madison. "I want you to go inside the bathroom and don't come out until I tell you to. Is that understood?"
"Yeah, but what's going on?"
"Don't worry about it" he said with a smirk. He watched her run into the bathroom and stared at the door for a little bit after she went inside. His heart felt warm. He was jolted out of his dream like state with the sound of the window breaking. Nathan jumped at him with a broken shard of glass in his hand. The Delivery Man dodged it with finesse and slammed Nathan into the wall. Nathan started laughing and all of a sudden got free and pulled out a gun and shot The Delivery Man in the stomach and then ran through the front door and out of the apartment. The Delivery Man crawled over to the phone and saw a note next to it. His hands shaking from the pain he read the note. "We're aware that this man wanted revenge. Don't call an ambulance, we'll take care of you. -Father" Just then Madison came out of the bathroom. "Oh my god! Are you ok? I'm going to call 911!"
"No, don't"
"And why the hell not? You're bleeding all over my carpet for god's sake, and...." She trailed off as her eyes fell upon the gun that had put the bullet into The Delivery Man's stomach.
"Is that it?"
"Is what it?"
"The gun that he shot you with."
"He left it here?"
"I guess so. Did he say anything?"
"You didn't hear him laughing like an idiot before he shot me?"
"No, i didn't hear anything but the gunshot." And then The Delivery Man passed out. When he woke up he was in a hospital room. "Fuck" he thought to himself. A cell phone rang and he looked around for it and found it sitting under his pillow. He answered, "Um...hello?"
"....what did i tell you not to do?"
"not to call an ambulance"
"...and why was that?"
"Because you said you were going to take care of me?"
".....right. That's two strikes you know."
"I know, i'm sorry I...."
Click.
The Delivery Man put the phone down. Just then Madison walked into the room.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" At that point The Delivery Man realized that he wasn't feeling at all. "I...uh....don't know"
"Hahaha, they got you so full of morphine you don't know how you feel."
"Yeah i uh...guess so"
"So the doctor was able to get you all fixed up ok. I guess the bullet went clear through you. He musta been pretty close."
"Yes, he was."
"What's wrong? Do you need anything?"
"As a matter of fact, could you hand me the cell phone right there?" Madison looked around.
"What phone?"

Forks and Spoons: Chapter 6

That morning after SK assured the women that we'd call them and made sure they wouldn't remember where the house was we sat down and Baldy started making us breakfast. "How do you want your eggs Eric?" he said in the most feminine voice i'd ever heard a male have. "Um, sunny side up please" I said. I turned to SK and asked him whose house this was anyway. Instead of answering he slid a picture frame over to me and sipped on his iced tea. I looked down and saw a beautiful black man surrounded by about 12 of the most beautiful asian women i'd ever seen. Without a chance to even say anything SK answered me, "He fucked them all in a glorious gangbang. It's like one of those kinky japanese porns you watch except 100% real." I looked back down. "So...this black guy owns this house?"
"Yes, right now he's in Japan on a business trip. Fucking more women no doubt." Just then the phone rang and SK slid his chair over to the counter with the phone base and picked the phone up. "Antone Asty's house. How may i be of service to you? Antone! Hey buddy!......Yeah the house is doing great!......no we didn't fuck anyone on your bed.......I TOLD you! I sat on the edge of the bag! Not on your fucking burrito! Maybe they MADE it like that! Did you ever consider that? Well shut the fuck up, you're never going to let me live that down are you?......yeah you stay sexy too." He turned to me and scoffed. Baldy served us breakfast, and it was glorious. 3 Pounds of bacon, the most delicious eggs you'd ever tasted, the best seasoned hash browns i'd ever tasted, and a nice glass of OJ to wash it down. Kim was standing behind me and startled me. "I smelled the food" he said as he sat down and made himself a plate. As i finished i turned to SK, and licked my lips as to get all of the yolk off of my face. "It's good isn't it? SK said. "Yeah" i replied.
"Basically Baldy realized he needed to learn to make delicious food to get the taste of that nasty greek dick out of his mouth."
"I heard that you wiener nose!" said Bozo's voice from another room. "Alright so, Eric, we have to get you a job. Because believe it or not, women don't like men without jobs. Ask Midnight."
"Who's Midnight?"
"DON'T interrupt me. Now, what can you do? What skills do you have?"
"Well I can play the piano fairly well, um let's see...."
"I think, you'd be a good janitor." I sat there and just kind of looked at SK. "I'm fucking with you pal!"
"Ok good."
"But seriously. You gotta start somewhere. It's true! In order to get somewhere, you gotta start somewhere. I know, I read it in a magazine once!" He grabbed me and stood up. "Go take a shower and meet me down here in 20. I'll get you an interview. KIM!!!! Call the concert hall!"
"Kay!" Kim said. So, that morning I took a shower and went to the strangest interview of my life. And, on top of that I still did not know who Midnight was.